Date: August 11th, 2007

Saturday, August 11

Super Arbitrary

The nice thing about being the editor of this here arbitrary act of bloggy goodness, is that it often gives me the chance to read a million and ten blogs (or 250, whatever) and then find some way to relate to each and every post I choose. So it’s not all that arbitrary, it’s more about something striking a chord with me and my saying, oooh, oooh, I totally do the same thing.

Take for instance the fact that Chris is a good tipper. I am anal about the tipping in that, you must impress me or I must have had at least two free drinks and some flirtation going on for me to tip you exceptionally well. While I’ve never had anyone deliver my furniture, unless you count the people from Ikea, which, hell, it’s not like they DO anything; I could imagine being rather annoyed if I had ordered something ridiculous expensive that NEEDED to be delivered and the delivery men effed up or complained.

I paid $200 to have these appliances “white glove” delivered into my house, don’t bitch at me. In retrospect, next time I will save my $200, buy a hand truck, and carry appliances into my house myself. And by myself I mean Rob.

See? That would be my reaction as well. I just don't do well with poor service. It makes me surly and evil. Not super evil, like Voldemoort, evil. But evil nonetheless. And hoo boy, look at that perfect segue (evil to Voldemoort, to Harry Potter, just go with it). Speaking of Voldemoort and evil, The Palinode has a list of possible Deathly Hallows endings all of which I took as serious possibilities. You never know where fiction can go:

Harry wakes up in an insane asylum. The reader finds out that the death of his parents caused a psychotic break from reality, and Harry’s been spending the last seven years calling the psych nurse Dumbledore, screaming in Latin and waving a stick he found in the yard at the orderlies. After a daring attempt to escape from Hogwarts Mental Hospital, he undergoes shock treatment and a lobotomy.

Oh and more evil - I'm all about the evil today, not sure why - there's this thing with my stomach. Wherein it seems to think that it should always look like I'm 17 weeks pregnant. Which, would be fine, if I were, but I'm not. So I sometimes have to have these conversations with my EVIL stomach about why it needs to get a little flatter or at least make me look about 11 weeks pregnant. Alynda also talks to her stomach and suddenly I feel less crazy about the conversations that my tummy and I have:

I think it’s time, old friend, that you accept the fact that I don’t want you anymore, and disappear. I’d like to have a waist sometime before I’m thirty.

Since 'we're' on the theme of Evil, how about umm job interviews or interviewing prospective candidates? I've only been on the former side, because I'm not important enough to interview, but being on that side gives me some empathy to those who have to endure that process. It's inevitable and all and yet completely nauseating. So I'm loving that Kerri brings it in from the 'other side', because it's equally as painful for the interviewer as the interviewee, save for the fact that the interviewer has a job and the interviewee is living on Ramen:

At one point during the monotony my supervisor and I turned to one another and made the universal unspoken sign for "Please, shoot me in the face." Or: "Kick me in the kneecaps, s'il vous plait." I'm not quite sure which. Thinking back, it might have actually been the universal sign for: "Let's skip the rest of the day, and go for margaritas on a shaded patio somewhere. Like Mexico."

And finally on my string of super arbitrary, terribly segued prose on evilness, I give you complete honesty. Actually it's not evil, unless honesty is evil, but it's something that I do. I get inebriated and suddenly I have the balls to confess all, which can be evil. Though the lovely Jamie Caudill said it best:

Some might argue that inebriation can generate a false sense of interest. The truth is, it just helps gather the cajones to deal with a genuine interest that otherwise would never be explored due to irrational fears.

And with that, I'll be back next week with our regularly scheduled Thursday abritrarianess (I just made that word up). So please keep writing well and I'll keep badly segueing. I love this little arrangement that we have.