Date: September 4th, 2007

Thursday, August 30

That's life

Had I known that summer would go buy so fast, I would have cherished it a bit more in my youth or at least taken a little more time to just sit around doing nothing. Alas it is over now, not that it makes a difference when you pretty much do the same thing everyday, except now things are ramping up and the ever pleasant return to school returns. There's a small part of me that misses going to school and September meaning newness then the rational part of my brain that is happy to be paid to do something for eight hours a day. So it all works out nicely.

In that same vein - kind of, maybe - Julie Pippert recently wrote of her daughter's start of kindergarten and what I appreciated most about this was the truth in that kindergarten sets the stage for the rest of our lives. The meeting of new people and teachers, the beginnings of making attempts to fit in and find a comfort zone. The fact of the matter is that no matter what it's always one person alone trying to vie for the attention of one other and holy hell, it's hard. Whether it be at 5, 25 or 35 there has always been and will always be a relentless competition:

I'm in a big pond now, I thought, and there will be tons of these. I know they thrive in this type of environment, so they'll be plentiful and visible. A tangible craving for the homey, safe confines of my boutique preschool washed over me. If I felt it this keenly, I can only imagine how the kids feel. I hope the teacher likes the sort of mom who is more ploughhorse than thoroughbred. I don't snort and stamp and look real pretty, but I can cut through rocky soil.

My command of effortlessly segueing is rather for naught as I attempt to traverse from kindergarten being the start of the rest of our lives (Makes you want to hug a five year old, doesn't it?) and the end of a relationship. Except to say that kindergarten sets the stage for inevitable relationships that will be forged from then on out or that sometimes boys just suck. You think they might improve over the years, but no, many of them are five year olds trapped in a 30 year old's body. It's a damn shame too the way in one fleeting moment things can go from superbly wonderful to not so wonderful:

His eyes remained closed as he sighed deeply, and right before he took another drag of that cigarette...he finally looked at me. All those words he said..."it's over", and "someone else", and "I'm sorry"...came crashing down on me with that one look, the same way the raindrops crashed down on the trees yesterday afternoon. When everything was perfect.

Eerily enough, since we're on the subject of Kindergarten which led to many of the male species - NOT all, but MANY - sucking to bus riding. Which reminded me of two things a) I am physically unable to stay awake on any sort of moving anything. I just can't. Put me in a car and you won't hear from me until we get to the final destination and b) I've missed my bus/metro/train stop plenty of times because I'm just staring out the window thinking and half a sleep. Several of these missed bus stops were during my school age years. I'd be falling asleep, head rested on the window, watching the trees and mountains and next thing you know, the driver would be tapping me on the shoulder to gently let me off the bus right in front of my house. All of the other kids would be long gone. This trend has continued through adulthood though I am happy to report that I am not the only one who succumbs to a long soothing bus ride :

An extra half hour today sounded good. I didn’t want to move and I didn’t want to talk, and the best possible scenario would have been to just sit on the bus and let it carry me. I leaned my head against the window, pulled my sunglasses down over my eyes, and watched the streets and motorcycles and fruit stands go by, past my usual bus stop, and on and into the center of the city.

For the record, the whole falling asleep while moving thing was started by my parents when I was a wee HB. They would strap me in a car seat while mid-tantrum and drive around the block. Half way out the driveway, I'd be in dreamland. They still use this tactic today when they want me to shut the hell up. Regardless, I made parenting for my mother and father an ADVENTURE. Deep down they appreciate it, they just have a difficult time expressing their appreciation of a child as special as I. Speaking of which, I'm always fascinated by parent bloggers. Frankly, not the one's who go on and on about how big their kid's poop was that day (though I don't think I've ever run across one of those), but more the ones who are honest about how they feel about their children which can run the gamut from "OMG! I love Billy so much" to "OMG! I'm going to sell Billy on Ebay". Whatever the case, they are honest. The following is an excerpt from former catwgory courtesy of Vincent's Mom:

He always laughs at my jokes and doesn't care how i talk or act, as long as i am here with him keeping him company. He doesn't have the power to posses negative thoughts about anyone. He smiles all the time and doesn't care if we are just being bored together, because to him its all fun.

And last but not least, I am probably suppose to remain impartial but Mrs. Chicky has become one of my most recent favorite reads. Which says a lot because my Google reader looks like I have managed to find the most loquacious mother effers IN THE WORLD. Nevertheless, one of her recent posts was in regards to the dichotomy of the life she grew up in and the life she now leads. I swear I don't find these things on purpose but it resonated with me as my life now is a far cry from the one of yesteryear when my parents more often than not put things on layaway and my mother raised two children on 40K a year. It's unfathomable now and completely different from the way things are now. As a matter of fact, my mother is currently in Martha's Vineyard at her other house and I'm stealing away to San Francisco for the weekend. Sometimes, I long for complete simplicity though and no matter what the c haracters are always there and pretty much the same:

For instance, I have fond memories of a friend of the family who, when we had our yearly cookout at a local lake, would eat live dragonflies for my amusement. He'd pluck them out of the air, bring them close to my face so I could get a good look at them, and then swallow them whole as I clapped with glee.

And as always, these thoughts that might seem mundane are just a little slice of the big picture we call life.

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